The Root Cause
Dr. Patrick Carnes, one of the earliest to study sexual addiction, describes a cycle that all addicts fall into and cannot escape without help. This cycle is driven by personal shame or some form of emotional pain. At some point in the addict’s life, some form of sex became a way to escape pain and feelings of low self worth. So, when the addict feels pain, he will become preoccupied with thoughts about sex as the brain tries to shut off the negative feelings. This leads to ritualized behavior, which the addict is most likely unaware of, that sets up the possibility of acting out sexually with themselves or someone else. At this stage, it is nearly impossible for the addict to keep from acting out in his or her preferred form of sexuality. The addict then feels remorse for acting out again, which turns to shame, which starts the cycle all over again.
Recovery Tasks
Successfully recovery requires that an addict identify the specific stages of their own cycle and make life changes to break out of the cycle each time it starts. Once some control of behavior has been gained, the more difficult task of learning to face painful feelings rather than hide from them begins. The third and most difficult task is to learn that sex can never begin to remove feelings of shame for any more than a very short time and will in the end increase shame. Pure Life Alliance, as well as numerous other Christian recovery programs, believes that only in coming to experience true and complete acceptance and love from Jesus can finally and permanently remove the shame that drives these sexual compulsions.
Stages of Recovery
A person has to want recovery for any of this to work and, beyond that, be willing to take action as he learns what needs to be done in order to experience recovery. This process of becoming willing to do what is needed can be looked at in stages as shown here:
- Pre-contemplation: the addict may realize they have a problem but is not ready to do anything about it
- Contemplation: the addict is thinking about taking action
- Preparation: the addict begins planning specifically what they will do to pursue recovery
- Action: the addict actively takes on the tasks of recovery
- Maintenance: the addiction is under control and the new man develops a more balanced life